don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
