pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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