i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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