So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
