I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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