How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
