dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
