my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
