I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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