I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
