It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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