I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
