Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
