Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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