I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My vagina is very pro this idea
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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