Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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