If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
