I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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