That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
