Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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