yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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