I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
