I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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