I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
