The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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