Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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