My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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