I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize