it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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