I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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