Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
