I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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