Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
