Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
