Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
