hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
