I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
