I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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