i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
