Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
