i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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