The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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