Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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