using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
