i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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