i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
