I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
