The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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