I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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