Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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