God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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