I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
