I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
