they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
