cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
