i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
