you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
