what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
whose ass print is on the piano?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
