Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
