me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
