you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
