One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
