College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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