Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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