What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
