I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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