I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
