I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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