i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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