I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do vagina's smell?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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