why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
